Guardian Angel (
girlcorrupted) wrote2020-07-01 06:52 pm
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Steve has been such a steady rock so far, despite everything he just...hadn't given up on her, gone so far as to open his home to her. She hopes this isn't one thing to many, but won't blame him if it is. ]
I was dangerous. You saw some of it, the power I wielded in the dream, but in reality I lacked that amount of control.
[ Instinctively she brings a hand up to her left arm, giving her bicep a squeeze. ]
....I ended up killing someone important. And while the situation evolved far past them, Jack's initial intentions were to keep people safe from me and visa versa.
[ Her whole face is tense, eyebrows knit and jaw set, her mouth in a fine line. ]
Sorry, I'm kind of killing the board game night mood, aren't I?
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[ "Initial intentions" his ass.
If he gave a shit about people, then he wouldn't have locked the person he was supposed to love more than anything in the world inside a room with a metal ceiling, metal walls, metal floor, metal everything, completely tossing out the idea of comfort. And he could have looked for a way to help her control her ability instead of leaving her there for her entire life.
He wouldn't have dragged her around screaming, because if there was truth to the rest of the dream then there must have been some truth to that, too.
Steve is shaking his head, appalled.]
You don't actually think you deserved any of that, do you?
[ It just sounds like there was an accident... and she got the short end of the stick. ]
no subject
But then she'd made connections, gotten a taste of something new and exciting and...when he'd stripped even that away from her she was left feeling indignant for the first time in years. When she finally remembered her final months of life, the anger she felt about it all had been scorching, she felt like she could finally see again and all around her was the destruction she'd been forced to do at Jack's bidding.
But even after all that, after all her time here, when that heat cooled she was still left with all the guilt that had stacked up over the years. ]
I don't know anymore. For a long time I thought I did, even at my angriest some of his decisions seemed justified.
[ Her face pinches even further, like she's trying really hard to hold herself together. ]
But then I met Elsa and Riley and you and- you mean so much to me, I didn't want to believe I deserved less than this anymore. Maybe that's selfish of me.